Phan - Living a dream
by Utique
Summary: Phil has a huge crush on Dan, but has trouble admitting it to himself. Dan doesn't know what's going on and feels some sort of tension between him and Phil. I suck at summaries :3. Many chapters will follow, I'll try to make it as long as possible :). Danisnotonfire/Amazingphil Phan love story. Rated K , just in case. Not really any adult themes.
1. Confession

*****NOTE*** Hello there! This is my very first story on this site and I don't understand this at all, so I'm just going to try my best. Excuse me for my English, it's not my first language so I might make several mistakes. Don't feel ashamed to let me know whenever I make a grammar mistake, I can only learn from them if you tell me I'm wrong. I won't make this note any longer, because then you will not even read the note since long notes are annoying. So yeah, I'm just going to try. Thanks everyone! :)**

**Phils POV**

I heard the sound of rain on the rooftop. I was sitting on the couch, waiting for Dan to come home from his date. A shiver went down my spine while realizing Dan is on a date. With a girl. I've had some feelings for him from the moment I met him. I could never quite place those feelings, so I labeled it as a little crush. This was already hard for me, because I've never had feelings towards a boy. Well, maybe, sometimes. But back then it was even worse for me to admit I was gay. I was raised in a very religious family, and even though I turned my back on them, I still cared about what they think of me. I live on my own now. Well, together with my very best friend Dan. Daniel Howell, the beautiful. The straight. I couldn't help but love his chocolate brown eyes, that light up whenever he smiles. I loved his smile. His dimples, which occur whenever he laughs, or smiles. I didn't like these feelings at all. The longer I knew him, the more I cared about him. The more he means to me. The more I love him.

I didn't want to love him. I was not allowed to. Once, I'll just marry a women, and I'll have kids like everybody else. I just want to be normal. Maybe I'll even marry a man. That's not what I hope, but come on. Who am I kidding? But no matter who I'll marry, it won't be Dan. Because Dan is straight, and he's out with a _girl_. It was a blind date, so I had a little bit of hope left that it wouldn't turn out well. I felt bad about thinking this. He deserves love, just like anybody else. And preferably mine.

I felt tears burning in my eyes when Dan came in. It tried to smile, to hide my feelings for him. But it got harder every day. 'Hi Dan!' I said, hiding my tears. I thought it went well, that he couldn't have heard the weakness in my voice. But I was wrong. He raised his eyebrows as he looked at me. He closed the door, and while he took of his jacket, he asked: 'Are you okay?'. I wanted to scream and cry, saying I loved him and I was not okay. But I didn't love him, it was just a little crush. I could be such a drama-queen sometimes. 'Yeah, I'm fine.' I answered. He sat down next to me. 'You don't look okay, though,' he said. 'Do you need anything? Were you worried?' he said, and he looked at his watch. 'I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was midnight already. She just didn't want to end our date and I didn't know how to shut her up.' I smiled. 'So there won't be a second date?' I asked. 'No, certainly not. I hope she realized how annoying she was. Chris gave her my number, what was he thinking. She was terrible, but what if she calls me for another date?' he smiled, but I could tell he was worried. 'Phil, can you please stop crying now? It hurts.'. I felt really good as he said that. He cared about me. He could never care about me the way I cared about him, but it was comforting to hear. 'Yeah, I'm sorry.' 'You still didn't tell me why you cried. Tell me.' I felt shocked. How could I tell him? Should I tell him? I wanted to, but knew I couldn't. 'My thumb hurts.' was all I managed to say. Really, Phil? Your thumb hurts? Couldn't you at least make up a good excuse? I felt embarrassed. 'Do I need to kiss it better?' he asked. I blushed. Was he flirting with me? No, of course not. It's just a joke. 'Yes please.' I said. He smiled as he took my hand and kissed my thumb. He closed his eyes for a second. It was a long kiss. It was cute. 'Well, I need to catch some sleep. See you tomorrow, Phil.' he said. He softly touched my hand and he smiled. He left me in confusion, with burning cheeks. I hoped he couldn't tell how much I loved it.

**Dan's POV**

I blushed as I went into my room. The date wasn't that bad, though. We just couldn't be together anyway. I have never really felt attracted to girls. Not to boys either. Well,  
maybe. I feel like I start to act differently around Phil. I have never really connected that with love. How could I? Is there any possibility Phil and I are more then friends? I mean, we're really close. We hug sometimes. Not just in hard times, but if one of us leaves, we hug. And if we're alone, we are much closer than with other people around. It's like we both realize it's not completely normal to be as close as we are. There is a certain tension between us, which I can not understand quite yet. I wonder if he feels it too. Maybe it's just my imagination, maybe not. Only time can answer. I think about the scenario of last minute. What happened? I was just messing around when I asked if he needed a kiss. But he wanted it anyway. And it felt so good. I didn't know what happened, for some reason I couldn't stop. Could he tell how much I enjoyed it? Could I tell how much I enjoyed it? I was confused. It was like I just told myself I'm in love with him, which I'm not, of course. I didn't enjoy it, it was just... different. Don't all best friends have this? I know that girls always hug each other, and hold hands in public. But girls are different from guys, aren't they? Isn't it weird if two guys like to cuddle on the couch during Kill Bill? Aren't we supposed to punch each other and drink a beer together? Is this just our type of friendship, or is it more? I didn't know. Maybe I wasn't supposed to know either. Maybe I should just leave it this way, and wait for time to give an answer. No, what was I thinking? I didn't need an answer. _It was nothing_. It's probably just because we share a flat. And we have known each other for a long time. It's nothing. I close my eyes and wait for sleep to come and drag me with it.

The smell of burnt food woke me up. I checked my watch to see it was only 8 AM. I heard footsteps around the living room. I realized Phil was awake and I decided to go and take a look. I turned around, tired. I actually wanted to close my eyes again, but at the same time I wondered what Phil was doing. I stood up and yawned. I looked in the mirror. I could clearly see my hobbit hair, and I wasn't wearing a shirt either. Even though Phil has seen me like this many times before, I didn't feel comfortable entering the living room in my boxers. I wanted to put on some clothes, but I couldn't find a shirt. I entered the living room in my pajama pants.

**Phils POV**

I was a disaster. I wanted to bake pancakes. American pancakes, since Dan loved those more than anything in the world. But it didn't work out. The pancakes were burnt, and there was pancake mix everywhere. I felt embarrassed. I sucked at cooking. I always did. Why did I think I would be able to bake pancakes? I just wanted to surprise Dan. But why? My thoughts were interrupted by the loud laugh of Dan. 'What are you doing? You look so stupid!' I blushed and smiled. 'I know. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior from yesterday. And I know how much you love pancakes. So I wanted to surprise you, but-' my sentence was interrupted by Dan's. 'But you suck.' he said. I smiled. 'Pretty much.' it was him who smiled this time. He stood next to me and put his hand on my waist. 'It's okay. Thank you.' he whispered. What was he doing? I was so confused. Did he like me or not? I blushed. He looks really cute. I like him being shirtless, and I love his hobbit hair. Like I told him many times before. Why does he even straighten his gorgeous hair? 'You look cute.' I said. What did I say? Why did I say that? What gave me the strength to say it anyway? What would he say? He smiled. 'Thank you.' he said and he stroked my arm. What was happening? I blushed again. 'Dan?' I said. 'What's up?' his voice sounded really cute, and caring. 'I-I.. I think I love you, Dan.'

****NOTE** Cliffhanger! I'm so sorry. This isn't going to be a oneshot, I promise. I will update it as soon as I receive some reviews. I don't want to be writing without anyone reading it. If you review soon, I promise I will update it 1 or 2 more times today. I love writing this! Thank you for reading, there are many more chapters to follow! Feel free to correct my English, or if there is any other criticism you want to give, please do. I'd love to respond to your reviews, but you need an account for that! So sign up if you don't have one yet! I do not own Dan or Phil, obviously. It would be great if I did :D. No, just kidding. I love both, and YES I ship them. Please also check out OneSmoshyPhanGirl, she writes really good (Phan)fictions as well. I also love sunglasseslad0800, she wrote a long Phanfiction and is still working on the sequel. She's amazing! I am very active, so I will respond to PM's and reviews really soon. It would mean the world to me if you follow the story! Thank you! 3**


	2. Maltesers

*****NOTE*** I was just finished, when I accidentally deleted the whole story. I am really sorry guys, I hope it won't ruin the rest of my story. I don't think it will, I will just have to be patient because otherwise this chapter will be too short. And I don't want it to be. I hope it will be about 2000 words, just like the other one. I also love to read long chapters, so why not write some myself.  
I really want to thank all of you, because you wrote some really sweet reviews which definitely encourage me to keep on writing. It feels really good to hear that my English is not bad at all, because I am pretty insecure about it. Sorry it took so long to start a new chapter, but I didn't want to write before I had received some reviews. So here is the next chapter! :)**

**Phil's POV**

I closed my eyes for a second, to realize what I just did. I said it. I confessed my love to the most amazing guy on earth. And it was not even planned. Actually, I did not fully admit it to myself yet, so how comes I could say it to Dan? There are so many things that could go wrong. What if he thinks I am a freak? What if he wants me to move out? What if he goes into his room, and ignores me? No, none of these would happen. He would say he did not love me back, but he wanted to still be friends. Or did he?  
I opened my eyes to see Dan's adorable face, confused. A confused smile. He looked happy. 'Phil, I don't really know what to say. I don't know if I love you back. I mean, of course I have been thinking about it before. We are closer than most friends are. I think I want to try. But I don't want to rush anything. But we could try?' I did not really know whether to be happy with this answer or not. He wanted to _try._ Did he say that just to please me? Because I think he did. There is no way he loved me without knowing it before. And trying did not sound that positive. 'Dan, even though this is one hundred times better than I thought you would react, I don't know if it's worth the try. I don't want you to get into a relationship with the goal just to 'try'. This is not really clear to me anyway. You don't know if you love me back, but you do want to _try_? So you just want to experiment and use me? Please Dan, be honest with me. Are you gay and do you love me?' His smile disappeared. 'I don't know if I'm gay. Perhaps I am bi. But I don't feel like it is the right moment to make a decision like this. I don't care about my sexuality, I care about you. I do, Phil. I always did. I felt attracted to you but pushed away the idea of being in love with you, because you would never love me back. Unlike you, I did not have the time to sort out what these feelings are. I actually did not think it was possible that it was love. But now you say you love me, it clears things up for me. I think I have been in love with you the whole time. Trying is not the right word. Yes, Phil. I do want to be in a relationship with you. Not to try, but to hold on to each other. To be in a relationship. But I don't want to rush things, because I don't want this to ruin our friendship. I am not ready to hold your hand in public, to tell our families we are dating. Especially since yours isn't that... supportive. I just want to be with you, until we are both ready to tell the world. Is that okay with you to, phil?' I smiled again. This sounded so much better. 'I think it is.' I said, smiling. 'There is just one more thing I want to clear up,' I said. 'Will you be my boyfriend?' I asked. I felt silly, like a little girl to her crush. But maybe it was cute at the same time. 'I will.' Was all he could say. I took a step towards him and gave him a little kiss on his jaw. I could tell he was blushing. I smiled. 'What will we do now?,' he said. 'You messed up our breakfast. Perhaps we could go in town to share some fish&chips? And maybe we could rent a movie, with some Maltesers of course. I'd love to cuddle on the couch with you, like we used to.' it sounded so cute when he said that. I realized we have been really close as long as we know each other. We always cuddle while watching a movie. I did not pay any attention to it, because I did not want to admit how much I loved it. But now I could. 'Sounds like a plan!' I said, and I headed to my room to put on some clothes.

**Dan's POV**

As soon as I got dressed, I waited at the door for Phil to come. I was really happy the way it was. It felt good, and safe. I did not want to rush anything and I was glad Phil accepted it as well. I loved him. I really did. I loved to be with him, and his cute innocent eyes always make my day. I feel like this is going to be a really good relationship for both of us. We needed each other, and we supported each other. We loved each other.  
My thoughts were interrupted by Phil. 'I'm ready!' he said. His eyes lit up when he saw me. 'You look so cute today!' he whispered. I blushed. We opened the door. I followed Phil to the lift. Our hands brushed past each other while walking in the flat. Neither of us wanted to show more. As I said, he respected me and my wish not to rush anything. We stepped in the lift. There was nobody else in the lift. Just the two of us. We looked at each other and smiled. I leaned over and kissed his forehead. We were about as tall, so I head to stand on my tiptoes to reach his forehead. He blushed. The lift stopped, and an elderly couple came in. I quickly got rid of his hand and leaned against the wall. I heard the women talk to her husband, but I did not listen to anything they said. It was good this way. We were together in our apartment, but it was just between the two of us. Neither of us wanted to show our love in public. Well, a part of me did. Which is funny, because it was my idea to keep it between us. Of course a part of me was longing to hold his hand in public. That was logical. But a bigger part of me realized what that actually meant. That everyone could see us and notice our love. Notice my sexuality. Even fans. It was too dangerous. There were more disadvantages about it than there were advantages. It was not worth it. The lift stopped, and we got out. 'So where will we go?' I asked. He smiled. 'Howabout the Fish&Chips store at the corner of the street?' I nodded in agreement. London was full of Fish&Chips stores. But that one has always been our favorite. We headed towards the shop when we passed VideoLand. 'Maybe we should rent a movie first?' I said. 'Maybe that's a good idea. Perhaps they also sell Maltesers.' I smiled. Phil wasn't that big on Maltesers, but he did know how much I loved them. So it meant a lot to me that he cared about Maltesers.

*****NOTE*** SO MANY FEELS! I love to write this, haha. I am not big on the phanfictions where they confess and start kissing and have sex immediately. This is also in the K+ category so nothing will 'happen'. I wanted it to be as realistic as possible so I hope I did okay on that goal. I hope it's long enough! I'd love to write many chapters at once, but I do not have the patience for that. I will continue some other chapters as soon as some people reviewed or followed/favorited (that's not a verb but who cares). I want to know that I have a purpose as I write, and I do not just write for nobody. Please correct me on any mistakes. I do not have a storyline at all so if you want to add something to the story, please let me know. I hope I won't run out of inspiration :). I am sorry it is not as long as the other one, but I felt like this was a right moment to end this chapter. I'm really sorry guys! Thank you so much for reading, it really means a lot to me. I love Dan and Phil, and I also love writing, even though I do not do it very often. Thank you all! xoxo **


End file.
